Adventures in Candi Land


The Fruit of the Forbidden Tree by Muppet
May 26, 2010, 4:52 am
Filed under: Candida, Muppet's Adventures | Tags: , , , , , ,

Having been raised in the South, I have been fed a steady diet of fear and myth my entire life. In the South, the devil is a very real thing and is known to spend much of his time tempting poor defenseless Christian souls into sin through any available channel. As a child it was sneaking peaks at my uncle’s porn, and as a teen it was that time I skipped school or potentially giving into the ever-present threat of the scourge know as the teenage boy (luckily I was a homo and therefore naturally immune to that particular hell-born entity). But today an even bigger temptation threatens me…restaurant work.

Ok, so it’s not my Christian soul that is in danger- mostly because I’m spiritual, but not Christian. Rather, it is the success of my anti-candida diet that is gravely in jeopardy. How about a little background for you, dear reader? I work at a fine dining establishment in East Memphis. The food is…well, it’s fabulous…all of it. Everything is sauced or au jused, seared or salteed, perfectly plated and served to a typically grateful crowd of richie riches  of the mover/shaker variety. Did I mention that my work station is directly beside the pastry chef? Did I mention that said pastry chef likes me, and therefore, whenever he has a new desert that has sprung from his talented little head, I am the first to whom he offers it? Made from scratch bread puddings, panna cottas, chocolate lava cakes, creme brulees- and all of it mine for the sampling. Did I also mention that one of the major components to my job is cutting bread? Gourmet bread? And that when one is starving, the most readily available thing to devour on the fly is said gourmet bread? It’s like candida mecca up in my place of business!

I have worked 5ish shifts since we started this thing 11 days ago. I have been sooo good about not eating anything at work…until tonight. I totally cheated. The kitchen had several dishes that they gave the servers: triple tail fish with al gratin artichoke/potato cakes in a cream sauce, pan seared tuna with avocado puree, two chocolate cakes, our fancy schmancy mac-n-cheese, salmon balls, a veggie plate, and lamb quesadillas. Yeah. I ate several bites of tuna and triple tail, some carrots, a bite of kale, and a salmon ball. All of these are approved, anti-candida foods…except that our restaurant believes in glazing their carrots, salteeing their kale in butter, rolling their salmon balls in bread crumbs, and covering their triple tail in a rich, creamy sauce. So I ate dairy and sugar and bread crumbs tonight though, granted, in small quantities. Just call me Eve, and clearly, my chefs are snakes disguised in white jackets!

I joke, but I know that if I have a weakness in this little experiment it is the full access to a lot of really delicious, really candida fueling foods. Although I did not straight up eat chocolate cake or munch on pieces of bread all night, I cannot kid myself into thinking that occasional bites of saucy fish are ok. Vigilance is the key, my friends…when dealing with the devil and candida!

-Yours,

Muppet


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It’s the present progressive tense of saltee…the cooking term for cooking something in a pan, over medium to high heat, usually in oil or butter…it is actually spelled saute…i just learned that. As previously admitted, we are terrible spellers. So…sauteing!

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